Tell me what you think........LEGACY
"Papa, no Papa don't go," Sara screamed at her father as three men in dark blue uniforms tried to drag the man out of the front door.
At this, one of the three men stop and turn toward Sara. "Don't worry about him little girl, we already have a nice new home for him." He smiled, but not out of kindness for there was none in his heart. His brown eyes were empty and his smile was uncaring. Sara could only feel sad, as warm tears streamed down her checks. She wanted to go to her father. To hold him, and keep him from leaving. Her mother was crying, sobbing, and holding her back. Why was her mother holding her back, why were these men taking her father, what right did they have? She needed her Papa.
Sara leapt as her mother's grip lessoned and grabbed onto her father's hand. "Papa, no, I won't let you." She was very strong for her age and held on tight.
Her father's hand enclosed around her wrist, "Sara I'm sorry, so sorry, but I can't stay."
"But why Papa, what did you do," She whined.
"Nothing, I didn't do anything Sara, you have to believe me, this is just one big misunderstanding." His eyes were warm but also full of fear.
"No, Papa don't leave, you can't go." Sara persisted at tugging at her father, now dropping like a dead weight.
"I told you girl," it was the man in the blue uniform again only this time he wasn't pretending to be nice. "He's going, your daddy has been a bad boy, saying bad things and now he's going to be punished for it."
Sara didn't know what bad things her father had said and didn't care. They didn't have a right to take her father and was about to say so when she felt a sharp pain in her side. She looked down and saw a black boot had hit her right bellow the rib. She now knew what it felt like to be a kick ball as she flew backwards, spinning in mid-air. She could see the man again, he was smiling, only this time there was joy. He liked it, he had hit her and he liked it. Sara couldn't imagine how someone could find joy in such a thing. It was at this time that the kitchen table broke her fall. She hit it hard, but it did not break under her.
Sara looked over at the men in the dark blue uniforms dragging her father. They were almost out the door. Her back was sore and her hand was warm. She looked over and realized that a dinner knife was digging into her skin. Red blood was streaming down the knife and onto the table. But not as fast as the tears that were streaming drown her face and onto the floor. Sara felt some thing unusual then, rage, anger. She wanted to get her father back, she wanted to get even.
Sara rolled off of the table and onto the floor. The knife still in her hand, only this time the blade was out. She moved forward, keeping low, her eyes focusing on that man, and his uncaring smile and uncaring eyes. He didn't care if her Papa was gone. She would make him care. Stepping carefully she moved with haste to the door were her father was giving his last great struggle.
Sara looked up, knife behind her back so they could see it. She understood now, she knew what she had to do. She had seen it on the vid-screen when her parents didn't know that she was up. They did a lot of talking, most of it about the Galactic Federation. On screen they made it sound like a group of angels, but the way her parents talked they were far from. She understood that now, she knew they were bad, and bad people needed to be punished.
"Listen brat, I told you to go away, your Daddy..." But the man in the dark blue uniform, with his empty eyes and wicked smile didn't get to finish his statement. "Ahh!" A sharp scream left his lips instead as the little girl he had shone so little compassion returned the favor. She was a jumper, it was apparent as a new cut, a deep cut had engraved itself upon his face. It had narrowly missed his eye but wouldn't go away soon, and he drew his hands up to stop the blood. Sara's father seized the opportunity and struggled free, but he didn't run to Sara he ran away out of the house. Sara just stood there, bleeding and crying as her father ran out of her life, forever.
At this, one of the three men stop and turn toward Sara. "Don't worry about him little girl, we already have a nice new home for him." He smiled, but not out of kindness for there was none in his heart. His brown eyes were empty and his smile was uncaring. Sara could only feel sad, as warm tears streamed down her checks. She wanted to go to her father. To hold him, and keep him from leaving. Her mother was crying, sobbing, and holding her back. Why was her mother holding her back, why were these men taking her father, what right did they have? She needed her Papa.
Sara leapt as her mother's grip lessoned and grabbed onto her father's hand. "Papa, no, I won't let you." She was very strong for her age and held on tight.
Her father's hand enclosed around her wrist, "Sara I'm sorry, so sorry, but I can't stay."
"But why Papa, what did you do," She whined.
"Nothing, I didn't do anything Sara, you have to believe me, this is just one big misunderstanding." His eyes were warm but also full of fear.
"No, Papa don't leave, you can't go." Sara persisted at tugging at her father, now dropping like a dead weight.
"I told you girl," it was the man in the blue uniform again only this time he wasn't pretending to be nice. "He's going, your daddy has been a bad boy, saying bad things and now he's going to be punished for it."
Sara didn't know what bad things her father had said and didn't care. They didn't have a right to take her father and was about to say so when she felt a sharp pain in her side. She looked down and saw a black boot had hit her right bellow the rib. She now knew what it felt like to be a kick ball as she flew backwards, spinning in mid-air. She could see the man again, he was smiling, only this time there was joy. He liked it, he had hit her and he liked it. Sara couldn't imagine how someone could find joy in such a thing. It was at this time that the kitchen table broke her fall. She hit it hard, but it did not break under her.
Sara looked over at the men in the dark blue uniforms dragging her father. They were almost out the door. Her back was sore and her hand was warm. She looked over and realized that a dinner knife was digging into her skin. Red blood was streaming down the knife and onto the table. But not as fast as the tears that were streaming drown her face and onto the floor. Sara felt some thing unusual then, rage, anger. She wanted to get her father back, she wanted to get even.
Sara rolled off of the table and onto the floor. The knife still in her hand, only this time the blade was out. She moved forward, keeping low, her eyes focusing on that man, and his uncaring smile and uncaring eyes. He didn't care if her Papa was gone. She would make him care. Stepping carefully she moved with haste to the door were her father was giving his last great struggle.
Sara looked up, knife behind her back so they could see it. She understood now, she knew what she had to do. She had seen it on the vid-screen when her parents didn't know that she was up. They did a lot of talking, most of it about the Galactic Federation. On screen they made it sound like a group of angels, but the way her parents talked they were far from. She understood that now, she knew they were bad, and bad people needed to be punished.
"Listen brat, I told you to go away, your Daddy..." But the man in the dark blue uniform, with his empty eyes and wicked smile didn't get to finish his statement. "Ahh!" A sharp scream left his lips instead as the little girl he had shone so little compassion returned the favor. She was a jumper, it was apparent as a new cut, a deep cut had engraved itself upon his face. It had narrowly missed his eye but wouldn't go away soon, and he drew his hands up to stop the blood. Sara's father seized the opportunity and struggled free, but he didn't run to Sara he ran away out of the house. Sara just stood there, bleeding and crying as her father ran out of her life, forever.
posted by Grubbs_The_Mighty at
12:15 AM
3 Comments:
As a beginning for a story, I like it. One thing I'd really like to see, tho, is some mention of how old Sara is. I guess that right now I'm picturing her as around 8 or 9 years old, but that could be wrong.
Another thing to think about is the action scenes (when the man kicks Sara, and when she cuts him with the knife). They read a little slow. You might try cutting out some of the 'explanation' parts, or at least describing the action first and then explaining the character's thoughts afterwards.
Also, what's her mother doing while all this is going on?
So (this is a common question), where's this going? Is she going to go for revenge? I'm thinking grudge match, myself. :)
By
Angel, at 5/22/2004 03:12:00 PM
I am sorry to put you all through that, I thought I had a really good idea and ran. Anywho, yes Sara is 8, I was going to leave the age ambigous however. Thankyou for the comments and if you all are willing to tolerate it, I shall continue on. Oh, and for those of you who are not part of the group and just readers. I am sorry, so sorry. No, I don't know what God was thinking and yes, ladies, I am single.
By
Grubbs_The_Mighty, at 5/22/2004 11:00:00 PM
Well, I'd like to read more. I want to see where you're going with this.
And, if I came across as being harsh in the last comment, I didn't mean it. Damn hard to emote properly when typing, you know.
By
Angel, at 5/22/2004 11:39:00 PM
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